Taking Risks

In my upcoming book, One Hundred Valleys, my heroine has never been a risk-taker, but when she is hit by an unexpected loss and the discovery of a father she didn't know existed, she takes a huge risk, one that puts her life in jeopardy.

I've always wanted to be the type of person who is not afraid to take risks. Through the years I've taken many, but sometimes it feels like I'm holding back. Maybe that's not a bad a thing. I want to be brave but I don't want to be foolish.

In recent months I've had a couple of situations that required me to take a risk. One had a good result and the other not so good. 

In January my husband and I set out for a winter vacation in Tucson, Arizona. Our son and his family traveled from France to meet us there. It was a glorious vacation. The Arizona weather was gorgeous, and the desert vistas were stunning.

We all stayed in a very nice and spacious condo. While we were there we sampled local cuisine, explored the natural beauty of the region and wandered through state parks. The time with our son and his family was special and fun. So good in fact, that we are already planning another vacation together.

So, what was the risk you might wonder. Traveling is something I love to do, but it is always a risk because of my physical disabilities and chronic pain. I never know how bad it might get. Travel is hard on me. During our vacation to Arizona my pain did make the trip more challenging, but it didn't ruin my good time. I'm so thankful I went.

More recently, just a week ago. I decided that attending a writers conference was worth the risk. I love getting together with other writers. To make it to the conference meant a 2 1/2 hour drive each way. Already hurting from the journey, the seating at the conference turned out to be the undoing of my day. Sadly, I had to leave early and headed home to the comfort of my bed and heating pad. No amount of pain medication would have gotten me through the day.

I was hugely disappointed and felt in some way that I had failed. Often in these situations the enemy swoops in with discouragement and accusation. I moped around for a day and a half, feeling as if I'd never get to take part in activities that I love.

That was a lie! And I'm not going to listen to it.

I can look at this experience as a glass half full or half empty. 

I choose half full. I did get to see many of my writing friends. I received and gave lots of hugs, and managed to fit in a few friendly conversations. I also got to listen to excellent presentations by speaker and writer Sarah Sundin. 

Some of you will likely have difficulty relating to the type of risks I face. That's okay. I want you to think about some things you see as risks in your life. How do you want to face them?

As for me - I am not going to give up. I will keep pushing forward. I will continue to take risks. 

How about you?

It's a beautiful thing to know that God will never abandon us. He will walk the journey of life with us. And when we face a scary challenge he will give us courage.


Grace and peace to you from God,

Bonnie

It's a Wonderful Life

If you've been following my blog,  you know there have been a lot changes in my life recently. The biggest is that I'm losing my eyesight. That was a shock, and I've been in a quandary - what to do.

When I settled into bed tonight I talked to the Lord and asked Him, "What am I going to do with my life now?" He reminded me of a time when I asked that same question. It was many years ago - 1991. An auto accident left me with injuries that would never heal and chronic pain. Sometimes my pain was debilitating. 

I sank into a depression. I wasn't the person I had been before a log truck barreled around a corner, tipped over and hit my van.

I wasn't the wife or mother I had been. I couldn't take care of my family, they were taking care of me. My body was wounded, but worse than that was my damaged spirit. I asked God what could I do? What kind of life could I have? What use was I?

God lifted me and set me on a new path. He opened doors that led me into the life of an author. I grabbed hold of my feeble courage and stepped through those doors. I spent more than twenty years writing and publishing books. I was a thrilling adventure.

Here I am again asking God to show me what to do, to lead me down an unknown path, and to trust Him. 

A new adventure awaits me. I don't know what it is yet, but I want to share it with you. I will join you here on my blog and let you know what's up with me. And I'd love to hear what's up with you too. 

There is a scene in the movie Secretariat when Penny Chenery Tweedy stands up to people who tell her to sell Secretariat, thinking her foolish to keep the horse. She says, her father's legacy to her is not about money, then says, "You must have the will to win if you can and live with it if you can't. It's about life being ahead of you and you run at it because you never know how far you can go unless you run."

Such powerful words. They inspire me to run the race set out for me because if I don't run how will I know what God set out for me to do. And so I will run (figuratively speaking - I'm a bit gimpy). I will take one step at a time, one day at a time. 

Please cheer me on. I need you. And I will cheer for you too. 

Let's go. We'll do this together.


Grace and peace to you from God,

Bonnie

Happily Ever After?

My husband and I recently took part in a marriage seminar and since then I've been thinking about us. 

We were just kids the day we made forever vows. I was nineteen and Greg was twenty-one. Saying forever at such a young age seems ridiculous now that I look back. What did we know about marriage? We didn't have a clue, but couldn't wait to begin our lives together. 

Even with all the heat and love we shared, when I walked down the aisle I wasn't certain I really wanted to get married. I made that long walk thinking, Well, if it doesn't work out I can always get a divorce. 

We were definitely in for a rough ride.

Our early years together were a mess - we were a mess. After four years together we separated. I was devastated and cried most every day. During those dark days I had other devastating losses, which included a miscarriage and the death of my father. Heartbroken, I handed my life over to the the Lord. That's when I started to pray for us.

Greg and I were separated seven months, but God worked in our hearts and we reconciled and started again, only this time as new believers in Christ. 

Children became part of us. We were a family. 

Life hasn't been easy. We've had the common issues that most couples face - financial difficulties, health issues, differences about how to raise the kids ... and a long list of other things.

Our biggest challenge came when I was only thirty-nine and had a way too close encounter with a log truck. My injuries were life-changing. And those changes affected my family, especially my husband. 

I'd been an active wife and mother. I loved to work alongside Greg, and could use a chain saw with the best of the guys. And I wasn't bad at nailing sub-floor, splitting fire wood, and gardening. 

I loved that life. But in a moment everything changed. 

It wasn't easy adjusting to our new life. With much grinding of teeth and shedding of tears we found a way and discovered our new roles. These days, I do what I can - cook meals, buy groceries, keep the house picked up, and I write. My husband works at his job, then he helps me by sweeping and mopping, doing the dishes when I can't and even taking care of the shopping when I'm unable, all with no complaints.

I've been blessed with a good man, but we wouldn't have made it through this journey called marriage without Christ. He is at the core of our success. He is the reason we can still say, "I love you," after forty-three years ... and counting.

Do you have a happily ever after story to tell or a God's grace story to share? 

God is always good.

Grace and peace to you from God,

Bonnie

Thoughts For Today -- Discovering Hidden Treasure

I've been uncertain about whether or not to post this message. However, I believe there is value in it, so here goes.

Last week my husband and I watched a movie that starred one of our favorite actresses--Ann Hathaway. When we sat down to watch, we  expected a romantic comedy. It was much more.

At first we were shocked and disappointed. It contained a lot of profanity, nudity and gratuitous sex. I almost turned it off, but something kept me watching. I think I was hoping for something valuable because it was a Ann Hathaway movie. And I'd never watched one of her movies that I didn't like.

As it turned out, she didn't let me down. Her performance was excellent and believable. She played the role of a woman stricken with early onset Parkinsons Disease. The gauntlet of physical challenges threatened to destroy her. The challenges and fears playing out on the screen struck very close to home for me. Some scenes could have come from my own life. I was startled by statements coming out of the character's mouth--they were things that I've said, verbatim.

Anne's character, Maggie, longs for independence, hates pity and needs to be loved--but she goes about working through these issues in all the wrong ways. When Maggie comes upon a a young pharmaceutical rep. named Jamie, played by Jake Gyllenhaal, she's met her match..

If she were my daughter I would have told her to run from the self-absorbed young man. Jamie has never told anyone or anything that he loves them--because he hasn't. He's committed only to himself. That is until he actually falls in love.

When the movie came to an end, my husband and I looked at one another, our eyes brimming with tears. In so many ways this was our story--not the issues about not being able to love, but so many of the other challenges this couple faced. There were no easy answers, only a pledge to stand together against the odds.

In 1991 I was involved in an auto accident with a log truck loaded with timber. I've never been the same. Some of my injuries never healed and sometimes I feel like I've been old since age thirty-nine, which is the age I was the day of the accident. Chronic pain changes a person. Some days I am not easy to live with. : \

Up until that time, I'd taken my husband's love for granted. I didn't realize how deep his commitment was until he had to step into a bigger role than "just" husband. Not only did he have to fulfill his traditional place as breadwinner, but he also became housekeeper, cook, full time parent and at times, med-aid. He did it and still does without complaint. And up until then we'd lived an active life together. Our activities were greatly diminished and with the passing years even more so.

I'll be honest--I miss those days. I mourn their loss. And it's because of that loss that sometimes I feel like my husband would be better off with an able-bodied woman for a wife. I feel bad about the many things we can't do together. But my husband has never wavered in his devotion. Even as I am, he loves me and wants to spend his life with me. If I could go back and change the events of June 11, 1991 I would. I'm not courageous enough to embrace the changes in me. But, I am grateful to have experienced true love and to know what it really looks like. Thank you, Lord.

Sometimes I am awed by the fact that my husband loves me just as I am. And I love him so deeply for loving me.His love reminds me of Christ's love for the church. We love Him because He first loved us . . . just as we are.

I'm not telling you to go out and get this movie and watch it. Many of you reading this would be offended by its content. But I wanted to share with you what a wonder it is to discover treasure in unexpected ways and unexpected places.

Love & Other Drugs reminded me how blessed I am to be loved just as I am.

Grace and peace to you from God,

Bonnie