OOPH

Ooph seems like a silly title for a blog, but it's what I feel right now. It is day ten since my surgery. I am grateful for a competent, dedicated surgeon and all the medical professionals who helped care for me before and after surgery. But ... I have to admit to hoping I'd be a little further along at this point. Still, I am glad to say that I am moving forward and getting a little better each day.

I can't wait to feel "normal" again. I hope soon. However, I'm doing my best to behave myself and living within my healing restrictions.

It seems a good time for reflection. What have I learned thus far?

• Praying friends REALLY help. SO much went right, and I could feel the kindness of those praying for me and the situation.
• A relationship with The Father goes a long way when facing a giant. I was especially aware of His presence when I was wheeled into the operating room and knew none of what was about to take place had anything to do with me. It was all in God's hands.
• Good health comes at a cost, but ill-health brings a much greater toll. We need to take good care of ourselves. I'm educating myself so I can do a better job.
• Worry is not helpful. During the months awaiting surgery I made a concerted effort to keep worrisome thoughts at bay. I practiced NOT THINKING about my cancer and the "what-if's" that came with it. Peace was always close at hand.
• God is good and is always watching out for us. The tumor was growing while I was unaware, but God knew. Getting an MRI on my back was not an accident. The timing was perfect, pointing out the presence of that ugly little hitchhiker.

Psalm 91:14 - 15 says, "The Lord says, I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them."

Praise the Lord.

I have a way to go before I can get back to my garden, which in another few weeks, will simply be closing it down for the winter and preparing the beds for next season. I missed a few weeks harvesting time, but I'm happy with what I accomplished this summer and look forward to next year's season.

In six months, I will have a scan to make sure the cancer is gone for good. I'm already practicing perfecting my focus - trusting God. I am in His capable hands as are you.

Gracee and peace to you from God,

Bonnie Leon

The Journey - The Next Step

The last several months have been jam-packed with struggles, some have been exciting and even fun but others have been the detestable type. Most recently, Greg and I moved and before our furniture had found its place in our new home we had to move my mother. I'm grateful my sister and brother were here to help. 

Mom is in her new digs and all of her things are either with her or packed away. I'm resting today and will do some writing. This quiet eddy feels really good.

All that has happened in recent months brings to mind a personality trait of mine that I'm not crazy about. It came up in a snippet of conversation I had with my sister yesterday. I've been a worrier most of my life. I'm a worse-case-scenario kind of gal, which is good when I plot stories, but not so good in real life. 

This morning, while reading a devotional, God shone a light on this weakness and He provided a solution. In "Jesus Calling" it said Trust Me to show you what to do when you have finished what you are doing now. I will guide you step by step, as you bend your will to Mine. Thus stay close to Me on the path of peace.

I went on to read the selected portion of scripture from Luke 1:79. "to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace."

I felt the Lord nudging me and reminding me life doesn't have to be one big worry. All I need to do is bend my will to Him and then allow Him to show me the next step. I don't have to know everything. I don't have to figure out a plan. I just need to take the next step and trust God to guide me into His place of purpose and peace.

This worrier is going to do her best not to try to figure out all the possibilities, but rather ask the Lord what's next and then do what He suggests. It's time to leave my worries with God and let Him lead.

Grace and peace to you from God,

Bonnie

Quiet Moments With God - Today

Breathe. That's right. Take a slow, deep breath. Do it now before you read ahead.

Don't think about yesterday. Don't worry about tomorrow. Simply enjoy the pleasure and beauty of this moment.


Do you waste time thinking or worrying about the troubles of tomorrow or the mistakes of yesterday?

I do.

I chronically have difficulty spending my days in the here and now. I spend way too much time thinking about what I should have or could have done differently or I worry about how I'm going to manage something that feels terrifying and is rushing at me from the future.

Something I did last night is a perfect example. I have a sweet puppy, called Misty. She's six months old and well house trained, but she decided she doesn't like the rain and no matter how much we coaxed her, she refused to go outdoors. So, instead of finding an outside place to do her duty she chose what she thought was a perfect place indoors. I knew immediately - you can't conceal that smell. In my haste to teach her and to get her outside I partially picked her up. I should never do that. My back does not like it when I lift anything over ten pounds, especially when I'm bent over.

Ouch! I went to bed worrying about what today would bring.

This morning I awoke, still fearful and wondering what would happen when I moved or tried to stand up. Would I face a day with excess pain? I could feel my heart rate increase and my muscles tense at the thought.

At that moment, I needed to stop my fearful imaginings. So . . . what if I had extra pain today? It's not something new. I've been through it lots of times . . . and lived. And I have medication that helps. And I will get better. 

As it turns out, I do have more pain today, but I'm getting along just fine. I'm going to be fine. Worrying and being fearful is not helpful. In fact it makes things worse because stress makes my muscles more tense.

So this day is one more day of learning . . . from experience. And it's okay. But to harangue myself over a mistake I made yesterday is not okay. And worrying about what the future and what it holds for me is also not okay. When I do that I miss out on the beauty and pleasure of today. God has been teaching me this lesson over and over, only because I can't seem to get it.

John 10:10 says, "The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them (that's us) a rich and satisfying life."

If I take into account another verse from Matthew 6:34, which says, So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today," I can see that I'm a thief. I'm robbing myself of the rich and satisfying life God wants to give me.

I'm shaking my head (once more). When will I learn?

I'm still a work in progress, but progress is the key word. I am making headway. That is a good thing. 

Today is gorgeous. Sunshine is peeking through the clouds. The earth is damp and smells delicious from the weekend's rain. I am surrounded by a loving family. And I'm pushing forward on a new book. Plus . . . well there's lots more blessings in my life, things to be thankful for and to enjoy right here, right now.

So, I've decided I'm not going to spend any more time worrying about my back. I'm just going to enjoy the day God has given me. How about you? What's precious about today? About this moment?

Grace and peace to you from God,

Bonnie

Tips For Triumphant Living--Stop Fretting

Psalm 91:1-2 says, Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord; He alone is my refuge my place of safety; he is my God and I trust him.

I could probably write a book about fretting. I’ve done more than my share, especially in recent months. There’s been a lot going on around my place.

It’s human nature to worry. But that doesn’t make it okay. Psalm 91 tells us that we don’t need to be anxious if we belong to the Lord. Our bright ideas, our fretting, or trying to figure out solutions is not the answer. Oh, we can sort out a problem or handle a situation; God did give us brains after all. But there are things in life that can’t be changed. Still we try to fix them, and when we can’t we get anxious. We need to hand these situations over to God. He can handle them. If I’m afraid it means I’ve lost sight of the One who watches over me, the One who offers shelter and rest.

When we place our lives in His hands then we can trust that whatever comes our way is part of His greater plan. He’s big enough and wise enough to know what’s best.

So then, shall we approach God and rest in His shadow? He’s waiting for us.

Grace and peace to you from God.

Bonnie