Death & Dying

Sometimes, life seems to be all about death and dying. Greg and I have lost many dear ones in the last few years and there are some that we wait with. 

Yesterday I attended a memorial service for Pete Strohn, a long time friend, a precious man who left this earth too soon, or so it seems to me. When I left the service I checked my phone for messages. There was only one. My ninety-one-year-old mother had fallen again and had been taken to the hospital.

My heart quailed. Was this it? Would this be the end?

I hurried to the hospital. Mom was in the ER waiting for a CT scan. When she fell she'd hit her head. She seemed fine, tired but in good spirits. We'd been here in this room, together, many times before. 

I took up my usual post at her bedside and prayed, watched her sleep, and when she roused we chatted.  I tried not to think about all the previous ER visits, surgeries, and health scares we'd walked through in the past five years. 

Mom's health has steadily declined and her dementia is getting worse. I stopped in for a visit with her a few days ago and she was confused about who I was. That was a first, but I knew it was coming.

Being at my mother's side in the last years of her life is like watching her fall of a cliff in slow motion. And I want it to stop.

Sitting beside her in that too familiar treatment room, I noticed how beautiful Mom looked while she slept - serene and lovely. She was trusting ... the doctors, me, her Lord.

Maybe it's because I'd just come from a memorial service, or maybe it's the loss of so many loved ones, or maybe it's about watching life speed by, days passing that can't be reclaimed ... I don't know for sure, but even though Mom turned out to be fine and went home to rest I continued to feel uncertain, sad, and empty. And I kept crying. I don't want to say any more good-byes. There have been too many.

In the midst of my dark reflections I heard from the Lord. "It's not about death ... it's about life," he said. Memories flooded my mind - so many beautiful days already lived. Pete's life hadn't been exceptional to those who didn't know him well, but the ones who loved him knew better and so does The Father. My mother has had an extraordinary life, full of adventure, love, and heartache, but only the ones close to her know that. 

So, I am left with a question. Am I going to ponder death or life? 

God knows all that has come before and all that lies ahead. Psalm 139: 13 - 16 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Life is a gift, given by God and to be lived for Him. We only get one crack at this life. So, it seems we ought to value such an extraordinary gift and make the most of it.

Jeremiah 29:11 says this, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Verses 12 - 14 go on to say, "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord." 

What a beautiful promise! All we need to do is seek. 

Yes, in life there is death and dying, but oh so much more. We should not languish long in dark reflections but seek the light and life that is God. When we do  this we will find our way and fulfill the plans God laid out for us in the very beginning. 

Stay tucked in close to The Father, seek Him and all that He is. He is in the spectacular things of this world and the "ordinary" as well. This life is not about death but about hope and a future. 

We don't have to feel badly about our tears. Even Jesus wept. But I encourage you to be wise with the days given, seek knowledge from above, love one another ... and look forward to an eternal life with our Father, when one day you step from this life and into the next. 

Grace and peace to you from God,

Bonnie 

Quiet Moments With God -- Heaven Waits

Heaven waits for us. God's Word tells us that His children will spend eternity with Him there. And God doesn't lie. These days I cling to this promise more and more.

My mother had open heart surgery four weeks ago. At age eighty-six we were uncertain that she'd survive the surgery, but she did. We were grateful, but the weeks that have followed have been harrowing and full of physical suffering.

I spent a week with my Mom when she had the surgery. When I felt that she was stable I returned home. Last weekend I made the trip north again to see her. She's been staying at a rehab center for three weeks and will remain there until she is strong enough and healthy enough to return home. It's been grueling for her.

While I was visiting last week, Mom's health declined and she developed an infection in the wound where her chest had been opened. Uncertain what was causing the pain and swelling in her chest she was rushed to a nearby hospital emergency room where doctors proceeded to poke and prod in search of an answer. It was torture for my mother and for those of us who love her. To make matters worse, we were told that she might have to face another surgery.

We waited, prayed and took turns sitting with her. When I sat with her I watched the monitors and her uneven breathing. She's so thin I could see the undulating rhythm of her heart through her chest wall.

When she stirred, I stood to check on her. She gazed up at me and a smile touched her lips. Her hazel eyes were alight with love and she said, "I'm so thankful you're here. I love you so much." I rested a hand on her cheek, then smoothed her forehead and told her what a wonderful mother she was and how much I loved her. It felt as if we were saying good-bye.

Even now when I think of that moment my eyes fill with tears. But they aren't tears of sorrow, though I feel that, they are tears of gratitude. How blessed I am to be loved so deeply and to love someone the way I do my mother. She blesses me and makes my life richer. To see her in the midst of suffering and yet be filled with gratitude and love is an amazing thing. Death was close, but Mom was not afraid for she believed God's promise of heaven.

Mom is still with us. She's better, but far from well. I don't know what the days ahead will bring. I do know that we each have a certain number of days on this earth, and then we will die. It is my prayer that my mother will have more good years here with us, but one day she will go home to God where many loved ones wait for her.

God's gift of His Son soothes me with peace in these difficult days. I think of heaven and imagine what it will be like to have all of eternity to share with those I love.


Grace and peace to you from God.

Bonnie

Quiet Moments With God--Slave or Free?

In the book, “My Utmost For His Highest” Oswald Chambers states,"If a child gives in to selfishness, he will find it to be the most enslaving tyranny on earth."

I’ve been giving in to my “inner child” all my life. Oswald is right; those things that rule our lives enslave. I groan at the weaknesses that keep me from living in the place God desires for me. Sin shackles.

The way to freedom is to yield to Christ. My spirit says, "Yes," but my flesh says, "No." Sadly, there is still so much I have not yet yielded.

I seek God’s forgiveness and offer my life to Him, but the battle goes on--flesh against spirit. Even the apostle Paul fought this war. In Romans 7:19 he said, "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do, this I keep on doing."

Here on earth humans will not know perfection, but we are not without hope. Christ offers us a future that is free of sin. His death made it possible for us to, one day, stand before God holy and blameless.

The song “I Can Only Imagine,” lifts me above the restraints of the world. I am reminded that one day I will stand before my Lord and know absolute freedom from sin. In awe I shall stand and then I will dance, surrounded by God’s glory.

I can only imagine.

Grace and peace to you from God.

Bonnie