Remember

 

Today was another one of those days I dread. My nephew, Daniel Leon, passed away. He went suddenly, without warning. We were not ready to say farewell. 

Daniel was an intelligent, fun and entertaining young man. He could make a party out of the simplest gathering. He always had a good story to tell or an intriguing idea to toss into a conversation. He was a great cook and at most of our gatherings he would end up in the kitchen. His life wasn't easy. It was complicated and challenging, but he always had a smile for those around him.

There is a big hole now, where he lived his life. Like so many others we've loved, he has moved on. We've lost too many, more than I can count. But I know with little effort I could recall everyone who has touched my life and then stepped into eternity. 

Every time we lose someone to death, I am confronted with the complexity and mystery of life and death. How can a person's powerful spirit be here one moment and then gone the next?

I am reminded of how precious the time we've each been given is. We dare not take it for granted. And I remember the moments when I allowed small-mindedness, petty complaints or a lack of gratitude to take residence in my thoughts - Such a waste.

The Lord God tells us to love one another. How different our world would be if we could do this one thing. And then to remember to tell one another how much we love them. 

I love you, Daniel. And I already miss your big smile and your powerful bear hugs. 

Grace and peace to you from God,

Bonnie Leon  

Death & Dying

Sometimes, life seems to be all about death and dying. Greg and I have lost many dear ones in the last few years and there are some that we wait with. 

Yesterday I attended a memorial service for Pete Strohn, a long time friend, a precious man who left this earth too soon, or so it seems to me. When I left the service I checked my phone for messages. There was only one. My ninety-one-year-old mother had fallen again and had been taken to the hospital.

My heart quailed. Was this it? Would this be the end?

I hurried to the hospital. Mom was in the ER waiting for a CT scan. When she fell she'd hit her head. She seemed fine, tired but in good spirits. We'd been here in this room, together, many times before. 

I took up my usual post at her bedside and prayed, watched her sleep, and when she roused we chatted.  I tried not to think about all the previous ER visits, surgeries, and health scares we'd walked through in the past five years. 

Mom's health has steadily declined and her dementia is getting worse. I stopped in for a visit with her a few days ago and she was confused about who I was. That was a first, but I knew it was coming.

Being at my mother's side in the last years of her life is like watching her fall of a cliff in slow motion. And I want it to stop.

Sitting beside her in that too familiar treatment room, I noticed how beautiful Mom looked while she slept - serene and lovely. She was trusting ... the doctors, me, her Lord.

Maybe it's because I'd just come from a memorial service, or maybe it's the loss of so many loved ones, or maybe it's about watching life speed by, days passing that can't be reclaimed ... I don't know for sure, but even though Mom turned out to be fine and went home to rest I continued to feel uncertain, sad, and empty. And I kept crying. I don't want to say any more good-byes. There have been too many.

In the midst of my dark reflections I heard from the Lord. "It's not about death ... it's about life," he said. Memories flooded my mind - so many beautiful days already lived. Pete's life hadn't been exceptional to those who didn't know him well, but the ones who loved him knew better and so does The Father. My mother has had an extraordinary life, full of adventure, love, and heartache, but only the ones close to her know that. 

So, I am left with a question. Am I going to ponder death or life? 

God knows all that has come before and all that lies ahead. Psalm 139: 13 - 16 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Life is a gift, given by God and to be lived for Him. We only get one crack at this life. So, it seems we ought to value such an extraordinary gift and make the most of it.

Jeremiah 29:11 says this, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Verses 12 - 14 go on to say, "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord." 

What a beautiful promise! All we need to do is seek. 

Yes, in life there is death and dying, but oh so much more. We should not languish long in dark reflections but seek the light and life that is God. When we do  this we will find our way and fulfill the plans God laid out for us in the very beginning. 

Stay tucked in close to The Father, seek Him and all that He is. He is in the spectacular things of this world and the "ordinary" as well. This life is not about death but about hope and a future. 

We don't have to feel badly about our tears. Even Jesus wept. But I encourage you to be wise with the days given, seek knowledge from above, love one another ... and look forward to an eternal life with our Father, when one day you step from this life and into the next. 

Grace and peace to you from God,

Bonnie 

New Life & Dreams - Farewell Deb

Reluctantly I woke up at 7:30 this morning. I was having a lovely dream. My friend Debbie Note had come for a visit, and I didn't want to wake up. 

Deb has been sick for a long while and in the last weeks we all knew she would be stepping into eternity soon. I went to bed last night and my last thought was of her and her family. So, I don't think it's peculiar that I dreamed about Debbie this morning, except I've never had a dream about her before.

In the dream, Debbie came to my house for a visit. That is unusual. In all the years we've known each other she's never been here. We've attended writing conferences together (I love her writing) and I've stayed at her home in Eagle River several times, but in recent years Deb didn't like to wander far from home. So, this dream visit was special.

In the dream she was sick, but beautiful and full of peace and a quiet joy. She was tired so she took a nap. Someone came into the house and was speaking loudly. I asked them to speak quietly because Deb was sleeping. When she woke up we decided to go sight-seeing. It's beautiful here this time of year. 

We traveled about the countryside and came upon a ranch. We didn't know the people who lived there, but we wandered in anyway. There was a family there, but we didn't talk to them. We just peeked in - saw a couple of children and two men - cowboys. At one time in her life, Debbie was all about horses and horseback outings, so this isn't unusual.

When we started to leave, Deb stopped. She had a small paint brush in her hand and on the wall there were two red smears that I thought were blood. One was pale and lifeless, but the other one was a deeper red. She put the paintbrush to it and blended it with whatever was on the brush. It turned a deep, rich crimson and she said, "This is the blood of the man who eats pure and natural beef." And then we left. As we drove down the road we saw some riders who were herding cattle through a draw that had a creek running through it. It was a beautiful sight, golden and warmed by the sun. We stopped for a moment, then drove on, filled with joy and peace.

I'm not an interpreter of dreams, but I was deeply moved by this encounter with my friend. And I wondered if Debbie had passed on. 

I contemplated the dream and this is what I feel was being spoken to my spirit.  

All through the dream I felt a need for quietness, along with Deb's peace and powerful faith. Through the years, I've seen it many times - her passion for the Lord and His Word. Sometimes, it would just flow out of her, quietly and in Deb's special way. I am comforted to know that on this last day of her life, her heart was at peace. 

The blood on the wall? And beef? Well, our minds are funny sometimes, but I think this is all about how rich our lives can be if we will only feast on the Word of God and not let troubles and fears tread upon our Lord's beautiful provision and love. If we will only place our life completely in His hands it will be beautiful, no matter what tribulation comes our way.

And I'd like to think that the cowboys were all about Deb's ride into the light. She's in the presence of the King now where there is no more suffering and no more tears.

Farewell, Deb. I love you.

Here's Deb and some of the Yadas - Lori Benton, 

Bonnie Leon, Karen Ball, Ann Shorey and of course Deb.

Quiet Moments With God - Tapestry of Life

A friend of ours died yesterday. Each time there is a death I think of life. Memories of good times and bad fill my mind. But inevitably my thoughts wander to my own life. Am I wasting the days I've been given or have I  made the most of them? 

The day we draw our first breath a clock begins ticking and continues until we draw our last.  Each day is designed and given by God. They are His gift to us. Gifts are meant to be cherished and used, not set high on a shelf where they are forgotten. 

Days slip by - weeks - months - years. When we look back what do we see? Have we reached out to others? Have we loved well? Have we enjoyed the gifts given and shared them with others? What about the time we've spent with friends and loved ones? Did we sing songs together - tell stories or play games? Have we enjoyed a good book or a good meal with someone we care about? Did we hold someone's hand during a hard time or when we prayed together or rejoiced together? Have we cherished this precious place called earth? Have we prepared for heaven and told others that heaven waits for them too? Did we tell people about Jesus? 

What have we done with our days?

There are only so many to live. They are numbered, a number known only by God. They may seem endless, but that is a deception. For one day we are here and then, like a mist, we are gone. When our day comes to say farewell will we be at rest, knowing we've cherished the moments? Or will we anguish over a life squandered? 

Each day is filled with promise. Treasure them. 

God walks alongside us. He knows the beginning and the end. And in the Master's hands our lives become a tapestry woven with brilliant reds, deep blues and vibrant greens that shimmer with the beauty of life.

Grace and peace to you from God,

Bonnie 

Topic of the Day -- Random Thoughts

My daughter Sarah and I just returned home from one of several trips to Washington. My eighty-six-year-old mother had open heart surgery six weeks ago. It wasn't what we expected.





Random Thoughts

Mom should be home -- Instead she's still sick, but she hasn't lost her smile.

I think staph infections are evil.

A Wound Vac is brutal but can save lives. I hope it saves my mother's.

Thank you God for doctors and nurses who care.

Mom wants to go home, but which home? You know God.

Why is it that when I remember and smile I also cry?

I love my mother's smile and her sweet disposition.

Mom loves to tell stories and I love to listen.

Love is powerful, healing and lasts forever.

I thank you God for my life -- It's been full of love and wonderful stories.

Memories are treasures.

I'm grateful for my mother--she taught me love and forgiveness.

I don't like cities--it's wonderful to be back in my peaceful country home.

Suffering is not necessarily bad, but I hate it.

We don't always have to understand why we feel the way we do.

Trust God -- He'll carry us home to heaven when the time is right.

Thank you Mom for loving me the way you do and for the many precious memories.



Grace and peace to you from God,

Bonnie

Quiet Moments With God -- Heaven Waits

Heaven waits for us. God's Word tells us that His children will spend eternity with Him there. And God doesn't lie. These days I cling to this promise more and more.

My mother had open heart surgery four weeks ago. At age eighty-six we were uncertain that she'd survive the surgery, but she did. We were grateful, but the weeks that have followed have been harrowing and full of physical suffering.

I spent a week with my Mom when she had the surgery. When I felt that she was stable I returned home. Last weekend I made the trip north again to see her. She's been staying at a rehab center for three weeks and will remain there until she is strong enough and healthy enough to return home. It's been grueling for her.

While I was visiting last week, Mom's health declined and she developed an infection in the wound where her chest had been opened. Uncertain what was causing the pain and swelling in her chest she was rushed to a nearby hospital emergency room where doctors proceeded to poke and prod in search of an answer. It was torture for my mother and for those of us who love her. To make matters worse, we were told that she might have to face another surgery.

We waited, prayed and took turns sitting with her. When I sat with her I watched the monitors and her uneven breathing. She's so thin I could see the undulating rhythm of her heart through her chest wall.

When she stirred, I stood to check on her. She gazed up at me and a smile touched her lips. Her hazel eyes were alight with love and she said, "I'm so thankful you're here. I love you so much." I rested a hand on her cheek, then smoothed her forehead and told her what a wonderful mother she was and how much I loved her. It felt as if we were saying good-bye.

Even now when I think of that moment my eyes fill with tears. But they aren't tears of sorrow, though I feel that, they are tears of gratitude. How blessed I am to be loved so deeply and to love someone the way I do my mother. She blesses me and makes my life richer. To see her in the midst of suffering and yet be filled with gratitude and love is an amazing thing. Death was close, but Mom was not afraid for she believed God's promise of heaven.

Mom is still with us. She's better, but far from well. I don't know what the days ahead will bring. I do know that we each have a certain number of days on this earth, and then we will die. It is my prayer that my mother will have more good years here with us, but one day she will go home to God where many loved ones wait for her.

God's gift of His Son soothes me with peace in these difficult days. I think of heaven and imagine what it will be like to have all of eternity to share with those I love.


Grace and peace to you from God.

Bonnie

Topic of the Day -- Our Final Day

It has been six years today that my beautiful niece Crystal was snatched from us. She died in an auto accident.

The last time I saw her I didn't know it would be our final conversation, our final smiles exchanged, our final hug. There was no sign pasted across her forehead telling me, "Make the most of this moment. It is your last."

Isaiah 40:6-8 says, "People are like the grass. Their beauty fades as quickly as the flowers in a field. The grass withers and the flowers fade beneath the breath of the Lord. And so it is with people. The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the Word of our God stands forever."

We forget our time here is short. In our busyness we lose sight that any moment may be our last. Make the most of the moments. Do not waste time on trivial ambitions. Forgive others. Love one another. Desire God.

Savor the moments you've been given.

Grace and peace to you from God.

Bonnie


We miss you Crystal.

Quiet Moments With God -- Flowers for Crystal

Today my daughter and I took orange roses to the cemetery. Orange roses were my nineteen-year-old niece's favorite flower and orange was her favorite color. Today is the four year anniversary of her death. It feels like Crystal left us only yesterday. There is still a hole where she belongs. We miss her and long for her one of a kind smile and the great "Crystal Hugs" she used to give.

Yet, even with the pain of her absence my family and I are assured that the separation is only for a time. Crystal is in heaven. And God has promised that we will be reunited. I'm looking forward to a "Crystal Hug".

On my way to the cemetery I was thinking how different my perspective would be if I had no assurance of heaven. The tearing away of a loved one would be unendurable. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. God has made a way. He has given me hope and a future. I will see Crystal again and so many others who have already gone ahead.

John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." Christ gave His life for me and because of His sacrifice I am assured of heaven--there is no guessing and wondering whether or not I get the gift of eternal life. It is mine, just because I believe.

Even the prisoner who hung beside Christ on our Lord's last day on earth was promised a place in heaven. He believed and the gift was his.

To know our farewells are temporary is the greatest comfort. But I think of those who have no hope. I remember. As a young woman I met each day with the terrifying thought that one day I would die. And then a friend introduced me to Christ. And I didn't have to be afraid any longer.

There are many who live in terror. Tell them about Jesus. God opens doors and provides opportunities. Don't be afraid. Love enough to take a risk. I'm grateful my dear friend, Kathy, took a chance and told me. Now I live with hope and when I take flowers to my loved one's graves I know it is only a place for them to be remembered--they aren't there--they wait, with The King, for a grand reunion.

Grace and peace to you from God.

Bonnie