Death & Dying

Sometimes, life seems to be all about death and dying. Greg and I have lost many dear ones in the last few years and there are some that we wait with. 

Yesterday I attended a memorial service for Pete Strohn, a long time friend, a precious man who left this earth too soon, or so it seems to me. When I left the service I checked my phone for messages. There was only one. My ninety-one-year-old mother had fallen again and had been taken to the hospital.

My heart quailed. Was this it? Would this be the end?

I hurried to the hospital. Mom was in the ER waiting for a CT scan. When she fell she'd hit her head. She seemed fine, tired but in good spirits. We'd been here in this room, together, many times before. 

I took up my usual post at her bedside and prayed, watched her sleep, and when she roused we chatted.  I tried not to think about all the previous ER visits, surgeries, and health scares we'd walked through in the past five years. 

Mom's health has steadily declined and her dementia is getting worse. I stopped in for a visit with her a few days ago and she was confused about who I was. That was a first, but I knew it was coming.

Being at my mother's side in the last years of her life is like watching her fall of a cliff in slow motion. And I want it to stop.

Sitting beside her in that too familiar treatment room, I noticed how beautiful Mom looked while she slept - serene and lovely. She was trusting ... the doctors, me, her Lord.

Maybe it's because I'd just come from a memorial service, or maybe it's the loss of so many loved ones, or maybe it's about watching life speed by, days passing that can't be reclaimed ... I don't know for sure, but even though Mom turned out to be fine and went home to rest I continued to feel uncertain, sad, and empty. And I kept crying. I don't want to say any more good-byes. There have been too many.

In the midst of my dark reflections I heard from the Lord. "It's not about death ... it's about life," he said. Memories flooded my mind - so many beautiful days already lived. Pete's life hadn't been exceptional to those who didn't know him well, but the ones who loved him knew better and so does The Father. My mother has had an extraordinary life, full of adventure, love, and heartache, but only the ones close to her know that. 

So, I am left with a question. Am I going to ponder death or life? 

God knows all that has come before and all that lies ahead. Psalm 139: 13 - 16 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Life is a gift, given by God and to be lived for Him. We only get one crack at this life. So, it seems we ought to value such an extraordinary gift and make the most of it.

Jeremiah 29:11 says this, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Verses 12 - 14 go on to say, "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord." 

What a beautiful promise! All we need to do is seek. 

Yes, in life there is death and dying, but oh so much more. We should not languish long in dark reflections but seek the light and life that is God. When we do  this we will find our way and fulfill the plans God laid out for us in the very beginning. 

Stay tucked in close to The Father, seek Him and all that He is. He is in the spectacular things of this world and the "ordinary" as well. This life is not about death but about hope and a future. 

We don't have to feel badly about our tears. Even Jesus wept. But I encourage you to be wise with the days given, seek knowledge from above, love one another ... and look forward to an eternal life with our Father, when one day you step from this life and into the next. 

Grace and peace to you from God,

Bonnie 

Quiet Moments With God -- Listen

Yesterday morning I sat down to write a devotional for Quiet Moments With God, and I was in a hurry. I'd slept later than usual and my to-do list was long. I had an idea about something that had been rattling around in my mind and heart, but as I started to write I heard this quiet voice say, "Slow Down. How can you have any quiet time with me when you're rushing ahead?"

How ironic. I was writing about moments with God while my heart was hurrying right past Him. I was writing before I'd even taken the time to seek a word from the Lord or listen to what He had to say.

My thoughts went to the story of Mary and Martha in Luke chapter 10 where Martha complains to the Lord about how unfair it is that Mary is sitting at His feet soaking in everything He has to say while she has been working. Jesus tells her, "My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it and it will not be taken away from her."

Once again, I was behaving like Martha. I love the Lord, but I miss so much because I have tasks to complete. Work is good, but the best of life can only be found in Him. I stopped writing, quieted my heart and listened. Again, I heard, "Be still. I am with you. Think upon me."

We cannot hear what God has to say if we're not listening. And so, I encourage you to seek the Lord above all other things. He will meet with you.

Grace and peace to you from God,

Bonnie

Quiet Moments With God -- He Is Everything

We have a new puppy. I think puppies are adorable, especially when they are just visiting or when they belong to someone else. I'm not hard hearted, honestly. I do think they are sweet, but they're also a lot of work. And this is my second day without sleep. Our new addition can't stand to be away from us and he makes sure to let us know . . . all night long.

During the middle of the night while he cried and cried in his crate I got to thinking about his world. He was fearful, thinking he was out of our sight. We are everything to him. He longs to be with us. He's absolutely dependent upon us. And he trusts us to care for him. That's how it ought to be between myself and God. Is He everything to me? Do I long to be in His presence? Do I seek Him with all my heart? Do I turn to Him for my every need? Do I trust him completely?

I wish I could say, yes, yes and yes. But I'm self-willed and though I long to be close to God and to always trust and always be obedient, just like our puppy, Bentley, I have a lot to learn. I need to rein in the "I want what I want and I want it now" syndrome. When I'm thinking about me I'm not thinking about Him.

Seek Him and His will. Live fully aware of His presence and love. Remember He always watches over us. There is no place we can go that He is not there. We are never alone.

If we make Him our everything peace will rule in our hearts.

Grace and peaced to you from God.

Bonnie

Quiet Moments With God -- Prayer

My last entry was a heart felt and passionate letter from a woman who fears for her country. Like her, I’m deeply concerned. And although it’s imperative that we stand up for what we believe, we must first pray—for one another, for our leaders, for our president.

Prayer is something of a puzzle to me. Certainly God can do exactly as He chooses when He chooses, and yet He tells us to pray. I know that speaking to God draws me closer to Him. Obviously prayer has a lot to do with our relationship. However, there are examples in the Bible where God didn’t move until His people prayed. I am convicted by 2nd Chronicles 7:14 where He says, “Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.” I believe this. God does not lie.

There is a word tucked inside this verse we dare not overlook. It is the word THEN. Then is an important word in scripture. It often follows the idea of, "if you—then I will". Simply wanting change isn’t enough to bring it about. God states that we must be humble, pray, seek Him and turn from our wicked ways—then He will forgive us and restore our land.

So much of God is a mystery to me. I don’t know exactly how He plans to work out His will in my life and in the lives of those I love, but I do know that His Word is true and I’d best heed what He has to say.

And so . . . I pray that I will be humble in all my ways. I pray I will seek God with a heart that longs for Him above all else. And I pray His goodness will prevail over my wickedness. And I pray that those who are called by His Name will pray for our country. God will not abandon us if we do not abandon Him.

Grace and peace to you from God.

Bonnie